The Good news
The good news is that we all use coaching skills already. This is not rocket science. We all know how to listen, ask questions and to set goals. In other words we've all got potential to develop coaching skills.
The Bad news
If we've all got the basic skills, what's the bad news? The bad news is that we’re not very effective at using them. In principle we know how to listen, ask questions and set goals. But how many of us really listen, how many ask powerful questions and how many set ourselves realistic goals.
We might use the basic skills; it takes time and practice to master them.
What are the top six coaching skills?
There are six key areas to cultivate on the road to coaching success. These include
1. Listening
2. Questioning
3. A client-led agenda
4. Future focused
5. Challenging
6. Goal setting.
1 Listening
Listening is essential. It's easily overlooked because we all assume we can listen. However, listening at a deep level is an underused skill. If a coachee doesn't feel heard they won’t be able to make progress.
We all listen to a certain degree. However many of us only half listen. We're often formulating our answer, or we’re making judgments on what we hear. In other words we don't listen to understand. We listen to respond.
True listening is when we start actively trying to understand what someone is saying. It involves asking questions and clarifying until we truly understand. This kind of listening is called active listening.
2 Questioning
Asking questions is another powerful tool that's often underused. Questioning follows on from listening. To clarify your understanding, ask a question. If you want to learn more, ask a question. If you want someone to think more deeply, ask a question.
Questions starting with 'what,' are particularly powerful. If you're tempted to ask 'why' rephrase the question with a 'what' and you’ll get a richer reply. The question 'why' can often lead to defensiveness, the 'what' question deepens understanding. There's a real difference between, "Why did you do that?" and "What led you to do that?" Powerful questions are invaluable.
3 Led by the client
This is one of the key differences between mentoring and coaching. The agenda in coaching is led by the client. The coach always lets the client lead the agenda.
If you're a manager using coaching skills, this may feel uncomfortable. Your inclination is likely to guide your staff member and find solutions. However if you're using coaching skills, you hand the reins over to the coachee.
Imagine you're at a performance review. Rather than saying, "Bill, your sales figures have gone downhill, I’m going to put you on our in-house sales training course." Instead you might say, "Bill, you say that sales are a weakness for you, what can we do to improve this area?"
It is of course entirely proper as a manager to give direction – but that's not coaching, it’s mentoring. If you're using coaching skills it's not appropriate.
4 Future focused
Coaching and counselling still get muddled and one crucial difference is the focus. Coaching is based in the future. It is about where the client wants to go. It's not about digging around in the past.
If Bill has performed badly with his sales figures, it's not about excavating his performance. Instead find out what he's learnt. Find out where his strengths are and the areas he feels he needs to develop. When you trust your coachee you'll be surprised with what they come up with.
If the coachee wants to dwell on the negatives, use questions like, "What have you learnt? What will you do differently?" to move them on.
5 Challenge
Challenging your coachee is a great way to move them forward. However before challenging a client you need to have been listening.
Most people challenge based on their own assumptions and judgments. Let's go back to Bill with his sales figures. A normal challenge might be, "Bill, your sales figures have dipped, what’s going wrong? You need to pull your finger out." After a challenge like this Bill is likely to get anxious and defensive. These are not the challenges used when coaching.
When using coaching skills you challenge based on discrepancies in what you’ve heard. Not on your own bias.
When you hear things that don’t match or add up you challenge the coachee. For example, "Bill, you say you’re happy with the way things are going and yet on the other hand you say your sales figures are down. Those two statements don’t seem to match up."
In this instance you're putting the onus back on Bill. The responsibility is back on him to consider the best way forward.
6 Goal Setting
Goal setting is fundamental. It's no good setting out on a journey without a destination in mind. A goal is like a destination. How do you know if you’re arrived if you don't know where you’re going?
Goal setting distinguishes coaching from usual conversations. There is a purpose to coaching. The coachee defines and states the goal. The role of the coach is to keep the coachee on target.
There are many helpful ways on setting goals, like the popular
SMART goals. Another one is based around the acronym POSER. These are great structures to use when setting a goal.
At its simplest level a goal is something stated in the positive. Many people know what they don’t want. However it takes some pro-active thinking to consider what they do want.
Summary
Learn some of these basic coaching skills and you'll find your communication will be transformed. Coaching is not a mystical technique, it's common sense. However if you practise these skills you’re communication will excel and you'll love the results.
about the author
Liz Scott is an experienced Leadership Coach. She delivers coaching skills training to various organisations and is currently co-creating a specialist coaching/mentoring programme for schools.
Liz is the co-founder of Coaching Connect. This is an online community for Life Coaches provides support, information and expertise from coaches all over the country.
more info
www.lizscottcoaching.com.
SMART goals.
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